Thursday Thoughts: Getting Honest About Being Honest

From a time when I was really young, I have been an "over sharer." My mother and I have always been at odds with it, especially over the past couple of years. At this point we have come to agree to disagree on the matter. Sharing stories and experiences with others is an important part of me and my relationships with the people in my life, and learning from other's experiences is arguable one of the best parts of existing. I like to think that my friends, family and I are happy all of the time, somehow existing in a world of creating wonderful memories, laughing and feeling loved, however this is far from reality. 

We focus so much on the perfect- trying to get the perfect photo, college experience, grade, job or journey without much thought for the mistakes that are often riddled along the way. 

While searching the web, I came across this post from one of my favorite online creators, Katy. (I highly recommend giving it a read and then coming back.) It was raw and extremely relatable to most girls in their 20's. Navigating the world of relationships as a millennial is one of the worst things imaginable, as I have tried to explained to my engaged/married cousins over Christmas. ("Yes, it's really as bad as everyone says.) I think we all find ourselves thinking about the what ifs. What if I had said something different? Does (s)he think I'm crazy or stupid? Why didn't I do (insert anything that you did and slightly regret)? The result sucks and it ends up making us feel like a piece of trash. I would be lying if I said that there weren't times when I put on a slow song and took a walk late at night while trying not to make eye contact with anyone. The other day I was telling a friend that I pretty much am happy and optimistic 99% of the time because about once a month all of the tears and unhappy things build up. One of the most amazing things about being a writer (or an aspiring writer) is the perspective that it gives you on turning terrible things into great stories. 

One of my best friends and I have these late night discussions often about feeling used by boys, strangers and fake friends. The irony is that we always tend to be on opposite sides of the issue whenever we talk- while one of us is having a great day, the other tends to have had a tough one. The next time, it's flipped. This often results in one of us trying to pick up the other off the (sometimes literal) floor. With proof that "there are good people out there!" and "you'll be ok!" These words of encouragement are usually met with heavy sighs and eye rolls from the other side. 

21 seems too young to become so jaded about everything. I have mentioned in the past my inability to not open up my life very quickly to others- and get them to do the same. I truly hope that our generation can still be open, honest and expressive. Being vulnerable and making those connections might be the only thing we truly have. No experience, no matter how truly terrible, is ever wasted (I tell myself this weekly going to my lab class that I need to graduate.) Most of us are so young and there are many things to be excited about. As for the future, I do enjoy looking back at posts, and this renders as a diary of sorts, despite being very public. Thank you for reading this ramble, and the next week or so, I will be releasing a bunch of fun projects, so stay tuned! To the guy, best friend or future family that will one day be a major part of my life: whether we meet in 5 years 10 years or have already met, I'll keep my eyes out for ya- I hope you do too. 

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