The G Word

Since I was a little kid, I've always been able to fall asleep in the blink of an eye anywhere- beds, floors, cars. The second my head hits the pillow after a long day at school, I am completely out. However, the past couple of days, I have found myself staring at the ceiling, with a million thoughts keeping me up, as the reality of life and change has finally started to set in. 

This past week, one of my final Her Campus pieces went up. I had written it weeks ago, and was really proud with how it had come out. I had read fellow HC writers own goodbyes to Lewisburg throughout the years, but 2017 always seemed like the odd number that would never come. It wasn't until it had been uploaded and I found myself re-reading it for the first time that the first of what I imagine will be many tears throughout the next month started flowing. As much as I truly dread the moment I pull away from my first apartment to go back home to D.C., I'm pretty sure that I'll have none left. Not everyone has a great college experience, and I am so lucky to have something so wonderful to be leaving behind. 

The truth is that the idea of getting a job or moving to a new place isn't what scares me. It's the idea of being lonely- of starting over. Not having the ability to go to the dining hall and run into friends. To get to run around a beautiful campus. To be able to frequent the same couple of places on the weekends, and still not tire them. Marina Keegan was right- the opposite of loneliness could not be a better description for the feeling on a tight knit college campus. Bucknell was not without its flaws, but for the past four years, it has been this incredible community of classmates and friends. There is a large part of me however that is ready to move on. I'm ready to support myself, have hardwood floors, be able to get good pizza at any time of day and explore a new place and be done with homework forever. (Maybe even go on real dates! Who knows the possibilities?!)

Additionally, I am also turning 22 Wednesday. A moment of shock came when talking about something I wanted to do by 25 and realizing that that would be in three years. At the same time, 22 is still so young, so I will be holding onto that hope when my campers call me old- an inevitable reality this summer. While I have loved my experience, I wouldn't go back to do it again if I could. My best friend Sarah and I were looking at photos of ourselves from freshman year the other day and realized how far we had come (to be honest, we were not killing it so much in 2013- this had been a decided consensus between the two of us- I'm not a terrible friend). It's crazy to look through old writing or letters and see how much my friends and I have changed. The truth is I like where I am now- someone a little more sure of themselves and accepting of their shortcomings. There is still so much to look forward to, even in the next five weeks, but also in the next five months and five years. I am so thankful for this blog and all of the memories contained here since my first post in August while procrastinating packing nearly four years ago. I'm excited for what is to come. {Image}

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